to be a lily

like a lily among thorns

is my darling among the maidens.

Song of Solomon 2:2

i really like this.

decisions

This seems like a theme for life. Decisions will always have to be made.
I remember this summer when I had to figure out which school to go to. Since I was little I had planned on going to OSU.
Plans Fail.
I ended up all the way across the united states.
Plans Change.
I am so thankful to for the decisions that led me to where I am.
New Plans Succeed.
Summer is coming and jobs are being lined up... or so I hear.
Decisions Are Hard.
Indiana, Las Vegas, Reno, Illinois, Texas, Pondo
How To Decide?


Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Too Much Cheer

After this weekend I feel like the Grinch of cheerleaders. There was way too much cheer going on this weekend. Trevor and I went down to Springfield IL to watch the high school state competition. His cousin performed on the second day we were there. Trev tried to warn me about the intensity of the events of that weekend but I refused to listen. Two straight days of cheerleaders was a little much. At the competition emotions were on both ends of the scale for all the girls. Some were sobbing because they did not win, others were ecstatic because they took first, and then there were the pissed off girls who dropped their stunts. After day one of the competition, the hotel was anything but good place to get some rest. We had drunk neighbors in our hotel who refuse to sleep, and hyper girls practicing their routines in the lobby. Somehow I am still glad that I endured the whole shebang and managed to have a little bit of fun. Lets just say I am happy to have made it out of the cheer world alive.

what matters most

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30

saying no to being a yes (wo)man

I have a tendency to turn into a yes (wo)man to try to please people all the time. What I need to keep reminding myself is that I am only responsible for what is in my "yard". There are things in my life that I have been put in charge of or responsibilities that I have to take care of. There are also relationships that I have chosen to invest and put my effort into. These are some of the things that are in my yard. If I do not have my yard taken care of, I have no business taking care of someone elses yard. This does not mean that I will refuse to help someone if they are in dire need. However, the little things that I put my stuff off for, are not necessary. I am primarily responsible for the things and people that I have put into my yard. Having that fence up is a hard thing for me. My thoughts tell me to just tell people no sometimes, but my mouth always seems to say yes. Being everything for everyone is impossible and can leave me disappointed. Putting up this kind of fence is not a bad thing. In fact, I need it. My yard has been looking a little dry these days. I feel like I am on the right track to having a beautiful yard. Better days are ahead.

How is your yard looking?

Jon McLaughlin

For Valentines Day I get to go to another concert with my man (I am SO lucky!). This time we are going to see Jon McLaughlin in Chicago at the House of Blues on Feb 20th!
He is not very well known yet, but is getting there. One of his older songs that you may know is Beautiful Disaster.
Jon plays the piano and has an overall chill sound without putting you to sleep. Trevor has seen him live once before and said that he was really good. I cant wait to go. Plus he is not bad to look at :)
Check out Jon McLaughlin or see my Artists to watch out for list!

no title

"Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I prayed for love... to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world."

oh christian college

I struggle with a lot of things here at christian college. Something that has bothered me a lot lately is singing worship. To me, I worship to God instead of about God. I know that most songs are about God but I think that it should not be about singing to each other. On this note, I cannot understand why people take off their hats in prayer and not during the whole service. This can be taken one step further to saying that if God is with us at all times, why ever wear hats. I do not think that God is absent when people wear hats, so I do not see the point in taking them off. Reverence and everything makes sense, but I do not think God is any less pleased with the offering of our hearts in worship when hats are worn.

Something I also struggle with here is the popular words. I don't think I have ever heard so many "christian" cool words in my life. This frustrates me because it is just so silly and half the time the words are not even in context. They are used for spicing up language and not to help explain anything. So pointless.

I also have a hard time with the people and profs on this campus that are placed on a higher pedestal than the others. I believe that there are a lot of good people here, not just the "famous" ones. I guess this is just me running against the grain but it is something that really really bothers me. It is fine for someone to have their favorite prof but when there are the elite ones who can do no wrong on a campus where everyone is striving for the same thing, it is no good.

I recently have realized that being at a christian college has not strengthened my relationship with God. Do not get me wrong, I have learned so much in my time here but my relationship with God is suffering. My classes spend so much time in the Word that I don't really feel like doing it on my own anymore. This is something that I recognize as not good. As a result of this, my other relationships are suffering. Also not good.

There are a lot of other things that have been eating at me the past few months. I will save those for another time.

ps. This is the most open I have been on my blog... I am working on being more open in general. I figured I would start here. It is a lot of work keeping to myself all the time.

Punxsutawney Phil

1. today is groundhog day! I feel like this day takes on more importance to me now that I want winter to be over.
2. Punxsutawney, Pa., is about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. This is where Punxsutawney Phil lives.
3. The man in this picture does not look like he has a good hold on Phil. I am a little worried for his safety.
4. The verdict?
more winter.
boo

My Second Man

My man took me to a concert for Christmas. Brad Paisley is my second man. He was so talented and I loved it so much. All the people were so good and I had a really good time. There are always some funny people at country concerts. Lets just say some people had one too many drinks. Trev enjoyed Darius Rucker (the lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish). Luckily I liked everyone that hit the stage that night. Darius Rucker, Dierks Bentley and Brad Paisley put on one good show. I would definitely go to their show again.

I was wondering...

When is spring coming?
I need warm weather and sunshine. I never realized how much the weather influences my mood until I moved to the ice caps of IL. It has been a little warm here (about 30 degrees) so I think that maybe the cold is coming to an end. Today I am going to go kick a ball around outside with my friends. I am hoping that doing some soccer drills will make me happier.
When I was in Vegas for winter break, they had out swim suits already!! I feel like I need to get one because this time of year I usually start looking. I just cant pull myself to look for a swim suit when there is still lots of snow on the ground. Hopefully all the good ones wont be gone by the time I begin the search for my 09' swim wear.

Toms Shoes

This is a picture from their 2008 South Africa shoe drop.
I am still really excited to get a pair of these. Eventually I will.
Check them out if you haven't yet!
Toms Shoes

back on board

I have decided that I am going to get back on the workout train. At some point I would like to know that if i had to, I could play a full soccer game again. It would be nice. Indoor soccer is starting soon which is also why I need to get in shape. I don't think I have the motivation to train like I would during a regular soccer season, but I am working on it. Side note: This has nothing to do with the new year or any resolution I made. I don't make resolutions at new years. I think it is quite silly. If I wanted to change the way I was doing things, I would do it at any point in the year. Waiting for the new year to come around to make changes is just silly.

Lincoln, IL is home

"I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."
-Juno MacGuff

And the winner is...

As you may know, Trev and I have been competing at everything. The main competition was with our blogs. Whoever could post the most in the month of December won. Clearly, I came out on top. I finished the month with three more than he had. There was some talk on his blog about guys being better and being able to "run with the big dogs". Now that we have cleared up that it was all garbage...we can continue on with our lives. (I am sure all two of you reading this were highly concerned with this issue)
This brings me to my next issue...Now that I have proven a point, my blogging may not be as often. I know you are torn up inside and broken hearted that I will not post as much. I have confidence that you will make it.
Oh yeah, welcome to 2009.

Amy Kuney

this may be one of my favorite songs now. love it
check her out!

This past year

~My grandma asked the whole family to write a letter to her of what went on in their life this past year. This is what I came up with.

The Journeys of a Young Woman.
By Amanda Berry
I was finishing up my schooling at this place that was like a prison. I could not wait for the chance to be able to run free in the fields with the wind blowing in my hair. I would spend the next few months of my life without a care in the world. I spent my days joyously laboring at a place of worship across town. These days were some of the best in my life. I had a loyal companion named Emily during the warmer months of the year. But nothing gold can stay and I had to prepare for my escape to the corn fields of Illinois. My father was off gathering in Mexico but luckily made it back in time to bid me farewell. Saying goodbye to my loved ones was not an easy thing. I knew that this season in my life was done and the next was beginning. I had no idea what would await me when I arrived in that foreign land of Lincoln. Across the country my only companion was Chelsea and the smell of route 66. Finally we had arrived at my new home. There were many other people there that were just like me. The next few day of my life were the longest but went by the fastest. I was mingling with the other newcomers and enjoying life on my own. Classes began and the work piled up. At times I did not know if I would survive these strenuous conditions. I knew that I could not give up. The joyous times with my new comrades got me through these tough days. In the nights, the people would play games and sometimes I was invited to join. Oh how I loved to play with the others. We often traveled to a place of dance and song. This became one of my favorite things to do. Soon the weather began to change and I began to prepare for the frigid weather. In this time of the season, there was a young man that struck my fancy. After much thought, he became my boyfriend. I feel like this was a wise decision for me at this point in my life. In the colder months, I found it hard to keep warm. Luckily my place of sleep was kept warm. Surely I would not have survived without the warmth of my room. The common place of eating was delightful at first. Into the colder months, my roommate and I sought out food from other places. Food was scarce for a while. Our stock of top ramen and popcorn was running low. After I joined in with my roommate, we were able to make the big trek to Wal Mart and replenish our rations in our room. Autumn, my roommate, is such a lovely girl. I am fortunate to have such a loyal and kind friend. My family sent for me over the holiday season. I was so happy to be able to join with them once again. It had been so long since I left them. The last 12 months of my journey in life were filled with joyous as well as sad times. I am thankful for them all and am glad to be me.

change

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-Robert Frost

that feeling

"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith, or a fading summer, or just a moment of clarity. It's like when you go and see a really great band, live for the first time and, you know, and nobody's saying it, but everybody's thinking it, we have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling, but I can't. And if I can't be great at it then I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me."

Yellow

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do

Cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know for you
I'd bleed myself dry for you
I'd bleed myself dry

It's true, look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

I think that a song can mean different things to different people. It just depends on where they are in life. I have always thought that this song is a love song. The color yellow shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. Yellow can carry the promise of a positive future. He says how the stars shine for her and the things she does. I think that he uses stars because there will always be stars, and always be his love for her. He is so in love with who she is, that everything is yellow, or filled with happiness.
Sometimes yellow is the color represented for sacrifice. In this song, he explains how he would do anything for the one he loves. He even says that he would bleed himself dry for her. This could mean that she is sick (possibly kidney failure= body literally turning yellow) and needs him...im not really sure. Either way, it is about how he would sacrifice everything for her. Everything about their love is yellow and he would do anything to see her shine.
Some say that "I drew a line for you" is a reference to drugs. However, I think that it is about boundaries and drawing a line to separate the things that he used to do before her.