It's beating...

Its beating..
For months all I wanted was for it to stop beating. If it stopped beating then it stopped hurting. I found a way to make it stop for a while. That was called stuff. I filled my life with stuff. Stuff was great for a little bit. But I got bored with stuff and realized it was not the best company. So I tried the company of some other things like friends and books. Just like before, I became weary and burnt out. I could not handle friends. They became needy and clingy just like a bad girlfriend. Books made my head hurt because of how much time I spent with them. So I dropped them like they were hot. What was left? What could get it beating without hurting? Nothing worked. I failed again. Neat. So I decided to try out trust. Trust has burned me before but it was the only thing that made sense. Trust took me a while to warm up to. After that stage, trust became all I knew. This was so strange. To get it beating again I needed to do the thing that made it hurt. So I was on my own after I had to leave trust. I had to leave trust and go back to what I thought was darkness. However, when I arrived at the place I knew as darkness, it was only filled with light and a few clouds. Never completely dark. I pray that it will never be completely filled with darkness again. It beats like a rap song. Inconsistent and to the tune of whatever I am doing. The beat needs to be steady and consistent. Its almost beating to the tune I choose. Almost. Not yet. Soon.