all for you

This is what I think God would say to me right now..

“you are beautiful.
you have a big heart, full of love to give.
give it. give it all. and when it’s empty, i’ll fill it back up for you to give some more.
i created you to love and love like i love you and you haven’t been doing that.
love til it hurts. then let me bandage the wound and continue.
i’ve brought you this far. i’ve brought you this far and you think i’m gonna let you go?
there’s no way i could do that. i love you too much.
you been thru much worse. and look at you. i’ve picked you up and dusted you off.
you are gorgeous. i made you that way. you think i made a mistake?
i put every freckle on your cheeks. i put every speck of color in your blue eyes.
you think you’re chubby? so what. i think you’re beautiful.
you see those mountains? those trees and the bushes that surround them?
i did that.
every mountain. every rock. every patch of grass. every cloud hovering above.
all for you. with more love than you could ever fathom.
there’s that one man you think you love, but what’s the point if he doesn’t love you and appreciate everything that i made you to be?
it’s wasted.
know that i have created someone for you that loves every small detail about you that i do.
he’s out there. don’t be afraid to wait for him. i promise he’s worth it.
you have so much love and life to give and you’re keeping it all to yourself.
why? what are you scared of?
don’t be afraid of being open.
don’t be afraid of being let down.
people let me down daily. but i love relentlessly.
because i know people’s true hearts.
and yours is no exception.
you believe in people. and i love that about you.
why? because i made you that way.
i created you with a personality that reaches many. don’t be shy.
let that light shine. it’s a pure and loving light.
why question who you are? and why let others allow you to do that?
you know you’re on the right path.
you know what’s works for you.
and you know what i expect of you.
keep to that path and you’ll be just fine.
i love you, beautiful daughter. and don’t ever forget that.”

still I will praise You

my heart longs to love You. to love You more than anything in this world. i long for You to be the God of my heart, mind and actions.

yet i feel like i am drowning. i feel like You have left my side. a broken heart and loneliness are my constant companions. will the sun ever shine on me again?

but still i know You are faithful. You have brought me through trials before. Your love and grace are constantly poured on my like a streaming waterfall.

hear my cry to you God. fill my life again. restore my heart and give me a deep passion for You. may Your face shine upon me and make your presence known to me.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

"I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, still I will praise You. Still I will praise You."

who I was, am and will be.

There is such a difference in those three. I was so happy and confident in who I was. This year's first semester was the best semester of college for me. Life was easy and I had everything I wanted. But then I stopped trying. I stopped my daily routine and eventually changed. I let someone else take the drivers seat in my life and things got out of control. I changed into who I am now. Who I am now is not good. I am not proud of the things I have done or how I have treated people. I lost my focus and drive in life. Instead of independent and confident, I became dependent and unsure. When I look at myself, I dont even recognize the person I have become.

But I am done. I do not have to be confined to who I have been lately. I know who I will be.
I will be strong
I will live for an audience of one
I will be confident in who God has made me to be
I will be content with whatever situation
I will be beautiful on the inside and outside
I will be driven by my goals and passions
I will be fun and caring
I will be patient (this one is going to forever be a work in progress)
I will be

Who I Wish You Were...

I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were

It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here

I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind

Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
'Cause I don't want to keep on believin' in illusions