life. isnt it great.

Well in the past month I have gone through some pretty stressful times. The kind of stress that no one my age should have to go through. I think it is all finally catching up to me physically and emotionally. Now that I am home for a week and actually have time to just sit and breathe, I am proud and not so proud of how I made it through the stress. Usually something I live by is no regrets. I wish I could say this about my life lately. However, if my life was a movie I would have written the last chapter a little differently. But then again if my life was a movie I would have come out on top by now. Anyways, I am proud that I made it through that time in my life and I am still alive. That's an accomplishment right there.

As far as music goes, I listen to mostly 80's rock or other music that is not slow and chill. Shocking, I know. I don't really know where I want to be geographically either. I didn't want to leave Illinois. Then I didn't want to leave Texas. Now I don't want to leave Vegas. Not quite sure what the deal is with that. My family is not the same as it used to be either. Things have changed so much since I have last been home. I get the feeling that everyone is just putting on a good face while I am here. After all, that is what my family does best. When I was at school I missed my home church so much. Sunday I didn't really feel like it was home anymore. Sure the people I love were there, I just wasn't feelin it. I think I am just really looking for stability in my life and not finding it anywhere. I am so ready to settle down and stop chasing happiness. I am ready for it to find me and for me to embrace it with everything. I'm so ready for everything to stop being so messed up and for me to stop messing up. So yeah, I'm a wreck. But if you know me, you know that I make pretty big comebacks (like Dave Dravecky- Dravecky was an above-average starting pitcher for the Padres in the 80s before he had a cancerous tumor removed from his pitching arm in October of 1988. By August of the next year, he was already back pitching in the majors.) . Ill find my way eventually. It just may take an extra step or two...

the person you are

"And Hansel said to Gretal: "Let us drop these bread crumbs, so that together we find our way home, because losing our way would be the most cruel of things." This year I lost my way. And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey... is a fate more cruel. The journey lasted nine months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who'd arrived. It wasn't me at all. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely. Because sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

MUSIC OF MAY

Music is on my mind this month.
Lately I have been restless with music. If you are in that same spot, here is some stuff that I like this month. You may like it too.

super chill/ "I feel like something is wrong"
Civil Twilight- Quiet In My Own Town
The Cure- Boys Don't Cry, Just Like Heaven and any of their older stuff. Mostly their work from the 80's
The Script- Break Even, Lose Yourself, The Man Who Can't Be Moved
Kate Voegele- Hallelujah, You Can't Break A Broken Heart, Lift Me Up

not so chill
The Spill Canvas- Lillaby, Break A Leg, This Is For Keeps, All Hail The Heartbreaker, All Over You
Bush- Come Down, Glycerin
Addison Road- Sticking With You
The Afters- Love Lead Me On
Foo Fighters- All My Life, Pretender, Best Of You, Learn To Fly
The Honorary Title- Stay Away, Everything I Once Had
Shinedown- Second Chance
Matt Nathanson- Come On Get Higher, Heartbreak World, Princess
Audioslave- Like A Stone, Show Me How To Live, Revelations, Doesn't Remind Me
Nirvana- Come As You Are, Sappy