life. isnt it great.

Well in the past month I have gone through some pretty stressful times. The kind of stress that no one my age should have to go through. I think it is all finally catching up to me physically and emotionally. Now that I am home for a week and actually have time to just sit and breathe, I am proud and not so proud of how I made it through the stress. Usually something I live by is no regrets. I wish I could say this about my life lately. However, if my life was a movie I would have written the last chapter a little differently. But then again if my life was a movie I would have come out on top by now. Anyways, I am proud that I made it through that time in my life and I am still alive. That's an accomplishment right there.

As far as music goes, I listen to mostly 80's rock or other music that is not slow and chill. Shocking, I know. I don't really know where I want to be geographically either. I didn't want to leave Illinois. Then I didn't want to leave Texas. Now I don't want to leave Vegas. Not quite sure what the deal is with that. My family is not the same as it used to be either. Things have changed so much since I have last been home. I get the feeling that everyone is just putting on a good face while I am here. After all, that is what my family does best. When I was at school I missed my home church so much. Sunday I didn't really feel like it was home anymore. Sure the people I love were there, I just wasn't feelin it. I think I am just really looking for stability in my life and not finding it anywhere. I am so ready to settle down and stop chasing happiness. I am ready for it to find me and for me to embrace it with everything. I'm so ready for everything to stop being so messed up and for me to stop messing up. So yeah, I'm a wreck. But if you know me, you know that I make pretty big comebacks (like Dave Dravecky- Dravecky was an above-average starting pitcher for the Padres in the 80s before he had a cancerous tumor removed from his pitching arm in October of 1988. By August of the next year, he was already back pitching in the majors.) . Ill find my way eventually. It just may take an extra step or two...