Do you want to be healed?

In John 5, Jesus asks the man who is sick if he wants to be healed. This part of the story always stuck out to me. It seemed like a silly question. Well of course he wanted to be healed. Why else would he be there? This man has been miserable for so long and would clearly want to be healed. But then I started to go deeper with this. What does being healed mean for him? It means that he has to live life and leave his comfort zone. The man has been this way for 38 years. Talk about a comfort zone. He is going to have to start completely over and learn to live.

I thought of this in terms of my own life. Do I want to be healed? Do I truly in my heart of hearts want to be healed from all the crap in my life. It may just be easier to keep carrying these burdens and regrets. Being healed would mean starting over. It would also mean that I would be whole again. Being whole again is a scary thing. Something whole can be broken. If I remain broken, there is nothing left to break. Therefore, I am safe. Right?

Wrong. John 10:10 tells me that I am supposed to have life and life to the fullest. Being broken is not living that out. Brokenness should not leave me content. It should leave me thirsting to be restored. It should leave me on my knees daily, asking God to restore my life.

Best Wedding Entrance EVER

I absolutely LOVE this.
-also, notice the woman minister :)

Fired Up!

This is the video that I made today. It is to advertise for Fired Up.

This is a Jr High event that goes on during vacation bible school.

We filmed this morning and then I spent most of the day editing and

adding music to make it pretty. I loved working on this video today

and it was the best way to finish out my week. Let me enlighten you

on a few things so this video makes sense. Purple-ing: boys are blue.

girls are pink. dont make purple. Also, Blake is in love with cookies

and everyone knows it. That is why we are going to have a cookie

dough making/eating contest. Pictures of the event will be posted!

dare to dream

Blake sent this to me today and I thought it was awesome. He has been teaching me a lot about dreams and visions for my life. Something important that I have learned is that until your dream is made ready for others to hear, dont share it. If you share it too early, people are going to shoot it down. I have had this happen a lot this summer. I made the mistake of broadcasting a dream or goal for my life. Because it was foreign to the people I was sharing with, they laughed. Laughing at someones dream is just not nice. Luckily, I dont easily quit or back down. Like the kid in this video, I wanted to just put my dream in a plastic bag and be done with it. And at times I have mentally done that. I have mentally reduced myself to something less than my potential.

Something else that he taught me is that it is important to have "small wins". I rarely make short term goals. All I can think about is long term and large projects. He showed me the importance of having those little wins along the way. This may help with feeling defeated or inadequate before actually reaching the end of a goal.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B. Yeats

anything but ordinary

**This is a joke...I dont really think this about myself...just so we are clear :)

My whole life I have held myself to a higher standard than those around me. I never settle for anything less than the best. I try to separate myself with others by my grades, my music, work, my art and almost any other aspect of myself. I don't hold others to the standards i set for myself because I find that it only leads to disappointment. Surprisingly, I don't think better of myself compared to others because of my need for excellence.

Last week I was disappointed in myself. I got a speeding ticket. To everyone else this is not a big deal but it really sucked for me. It closed one more gap between me and other people. It seems like this past year a lot of gaps I had were closed and I am becoming more and more ordinary. That is what it seems like but I know this to be false. I will not give up on my standards but continue to learn grace when I am not perfect. That is something that I struggle with most. I have a lot of justice in me and very little grace. I know full well that I deserved that ticket. The officer was super nice and chatted with me about my summer internship (since he pulled me over in the church parking lot) and then kindly handed me my ticket. How nice.

derf and blerf

I went to a wedding. This is michelle gabbard and emily. Love them.

This is me finishing up a paint war. It was sooo fun. I am on the far left and soaking wet.

I got bangs. Sometimes i like them, sometimes i dont. This moment, I dont. We will see.

1. I am building relationships with a few older girls in the youth group. It is awesome to finally be able to pour into someones life and see the transformation. I have always been bad when it comes to carrying others burdens, which happens a lot in ministry I am finding out. This is something that I am having to learn very quickly.

2. Overall, I have worked the most with Blake, the Jr. High minister, and really admire him. I have a lot left to learn from him and how he runs his ministry. I am looking forward to the rest of the summer with all the staff and students. Every minute of my job is great and I would not change it for the world. I am so lucky to get paid to learn and do what I love most in life.

3. I am scared to go back to school. I think I'll just stay here.

4. We all put God in a box based on the scope of our faith, understanding, and spiritual freedom. Is your box getting bigger or smaller? I am trying daily to make mine bigger.

5. Watching the homerun derby was not so much fun. I usually love baseball but it seemed boring this year. However, I loved loved loved the all star game. I fell back in love with baseball when I watched that game.

6. I get to go to Oregon in two weeks and I could not be more excited. I feel so alive when I am there. It will be awesome to hang with my cousins and shoot some hoops. (i sound like I am good at basketball, nope. Im not)

7. Words that I have been saying non-stop: derf and blerf. neat. intentional.

8. I have started running again. It is so hot here that I cant make it super far without getting heat stroke. I love exercising and feeling good about myself.

when you're hurt

"When you're hurt in a relationship, when the unfailing love you desired bails on you, a wave of bitterness can wash into the void. And when that bitterness takes over, watch out. When resentment rolls around inside you, you begin to turn into an angry, distant, cynical, oversensitive, ticked-off-at-the-world kind of person. You become withdrawn. You become selfish. You become self-absorbed. You grow distant. You're distrustful and even a bit paranoid. When bitterness hacks into your life, it really messes you up." - Mike Breaux

"Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." - Job 5:2

I have been thinking about this quote from Breaux a lot lately. I am working so hard to not let this description become a reality for my life. I can admit that it has not been an easy struggle and it is something that I have to decide every single day. Giving in to all those things would be way easier but would result in being messed up. That is something that is harder to bounce back from. Id rather smile when I want to cry and work every day to get past the crappy part of broken relationships. Just like Annie says, "You're never fully dressed without a smile"!

quick recap

First off, I think that I am writing to no one. I do not think that anyone reads this, so does that make me crazy writing things that I hope people will read, but knowing fully that no one ever does? I dont think so. I hope not.

well here is a little update of my life. I went to Durango Colorado for the CIY conference. There were so many cool things about that trip I could not fit them all into one post. I love those students so much. I really do have a passion for high schoolers. One of the cool things we did while we were there is white water rafting. It was soo fun..until Lauren Neese hit me in the nose with her paddle. It turned out to be funny but my nose swelled and bruised. Luckily no brokenness occurred. The ride back from the trip was crazy. 18 hour trip took 26 hours- 2 broken down busses, 1 emergency room visit, 4 busses pulled over by the cops in the middle of the night, 4 hour wait with 200 students in a restaurant at 4 in the morning, and big smiles as I finally got off the bus.

I have been able to build relationships with some of the students here. I mostly hang out with the Selinger girls. One of them is in high school and the other is in jr high. They are great girls with so much potential. I have had some awesome days back at the office since being back from my trip. I feel like I know the people that I am working with pretty well and we get to have a great time while getting some work done. These next few days are going to be crazy busy (every day seems to be crazy busy for me!) with getting ready for events at the church, volunteering at a wedding, hanging out with students, putting on events and just learning as much as possible.

this is just a brief overview of what I have done in the last two weeks. I love my life and my job.